I watched a lot of horrible television as a kid. Granted, I also watched Scooby Doo with my dad, and that stands as one of the best canine-based forensics shows of all time. However, I watched a lot of what could be considered as thirty-minute commercials for cheap plastic toys that would work right about as often as they’d choke the dog. Not that we had a dog, but it would have been dead as soon as I’d have unwrapped my Christmas presents, most likely from a lime green missile lodged in its throat.
And now that I have a daughter, I’m watching a lot of horrible television again. I had trimmed my TV-watching habits to just a few shows, one of which was Doctor Who. What is it about pseudoscience and a perilous London that seems so appealing? I’m sure it has to do with rubber suits, but I never miss an episode when it’s airing. That, and a few scifi shows, and I’m good for a few weeks. Ever since Ema came along, though, I’ve been living some sort of anthropological study on the evolution of bad kids’ TV shows.
My mother-in-law tried to get Ema started on Barney. He needs no introduction, so I won’t spend any more time on the purple cash cow than is necessary. Thankfully, Ema got bored of Barney after the theme song. Maybe she’s an evolutionist, and sees the cohabitation of man and dinosaur as nonsense. I hope she grows out of that, because The Flintstones taught us how to spot it when husbands were lying to their wives, and Ema will need that skill sooner or later.
The Barney experiment having been a failure, my niece tried to move Ema on to Spongebob Squarepants. The only redeeming factor of Spongebob Squarepants was that Alton Brown voiced a character on the show once. Once again, I think Ema is just too smart for this show: she knows that sponges don’t wear pants, they don’t befriend starfish and that, while pineapples may make good undersea dwellings, finding a tiny contractor to remodel one into your home is just completely unrealistic.
We were so close to avoiding bad children’s TV, two strikes down and one to go, when we found Yo Gabba Gabba! To complete the baseball analogy, that one was hit out of the park and smacked some unsuspecting pedestrian (me) right in the groin. There is no way to describe this show and make it sound good, but Ema loves it. Weirder still, it doesn’t make me want to destroy the TV when it’s on.
Yo Gabba Gabba is about an orange-clad DJ who lets five living dolls out of his magic boom box for thirty minutes each day, so they can teach kids important lessons about sharing, being careful and not taking too many psychoactive drugs. Seriously, that’s it. Mid-level celebrities come on and show the dolls how to do a new dance, and then they eat snacks. Biz “You Got What I Need” Markie teaches kids how to beat-box. Mark Mothersbaugh, THE LEAD SINGER OF DEVO, is on this show. The man who sang “Whip It” and the funkiest version of “Workin’ In The Coal Mine,” shows up every episode to draw something. One episode, he drew fleas on skis.
Ema’s got it bad for this show. Every morning, she pulls her highchair into the living room, looks at me and says “Gabby?” Today, I told her we had to watch the news first, and she pouted and said “Gabby please?” We didn’t get to watch the news, or the weather. Instead, we learned about not pushing your friends, and Elijah Wood creeped me out with a dance called The Puppet Master.
Remember what I said about 80’s kids’ shows being glorified commercials? That’s still going on. Ema has three Yo Gabba Gabba! dolls, one of which sings about how much she loves flowers. She puts them in her Yo Gabba Gabba! backpack, which she marches around with while the show goes on. For Christmas, we may get her a Yo Gabba Gabba! guitar.
Personally, I’m holding out for the Mark Mothersbaugh doll with collapsible hat.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Have to say that we don’t seem to have TGG in britland, Shame as it reads well from your posting. Is Ema yet saying Mummy BTW?
Dave,
She says Mommy and Daddy on a fairly regular basis now. She’s still yet to say “I Love You” to her mommy, but that’ll come.
She also says “Baby” a lot.
We watch so much Yo Gabba Gabba that I have their songs stuck in my head all day while I’m at work. I actually don’t mind though. They are catchy little songs.